i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I didn't notice because vodka
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Randomize
