What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
