They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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