So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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