Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
