wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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