The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
