He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize