Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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