hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
