i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
