I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
