I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
