Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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