Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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