Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
