Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
