I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
