you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
