I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
