awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize