hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I AM VODKA MAN
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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