I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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