dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
