I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
