would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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