2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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