we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
honey bunches of taint.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
