the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
