I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
