He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
