Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
