soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Even my vagina gasped.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
