I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
