he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
