His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
