I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
