I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
