New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
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