My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
