it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
