There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
