Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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