You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize