in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
