During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
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