he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize