mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
A bitchslap is in order.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
