my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
