So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
