I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize