It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
