I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
