do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
