Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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