i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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