he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
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