I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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