she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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