Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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