you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
