New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize