im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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