You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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