So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
