shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
